sleep
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My heart constricts in my chest, and my breath shortens as I go through triggers in the environment. I perseverate on memories and traumas, and my body goes through it all over again. I’m so frustrated at what feels like a never-ending battle. I’m not supposed to fight it but comfort the painful feelings and
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I am at a loss on what to say. I’ve felt a powerful sense of blankness and loss of feeling. I’m like a mannequin, or robot. Didn’t make it to work last night. Too much going on, house stuff, work, family stress… I spent most of the day at the house supervising a housecleaner who
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My new job wants to promote me. I’m not sure if I’ve already mentioned this, but there is a senior CNA position opening up and they put me in the class required for the promotion. I will have an expanded scope of practice which isn’t saying much because our scope is always limited. But I
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I have had to sit with a lot of discomfort for the last few days. It’s forced me to think a lot about the DBT skills I’m supposed to use in response to these painful feelings – distraction, HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) build mastery, and just plain sitting with the shitty feelings. I also
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I am so upset and frustrated with myself. I finally got some sleep…and slept right on through IOP Thursday morning. I was just going to take a nap… It was an important day too. The final wrap up for distress tolerance and and all the skills therein. The most important module and day of IOP,
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My weekend was rough. I did not sleep much before work Saturday but I made it to work. It is very surreal, this new job. I’ll get into that in a bit. My mother came back Sunday morning and I picked her up from the airport. I had been at my house, giving it a
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I managed to sleep with the assistance of the following medications: melatonin, vistaril, gabapentin, and ativan. That was Thursday – I went to bed at about 4pm and woke up at 10:30pm, getting a whopping six hours of sleep, and I only woke up once in that time. Then I went and picked up my
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I could not sleep today. I take the meds, I make a bedtime ritual, I try hot showers and meditation and even masturbation but today I could not sleep. When I finally did, I had terrible dreams. I take a medication, prazosin, for bad dreams but it can only do so much. Pills only pack
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I’ve been experiencing an upswing, an increase in hypomanic symptoms. I am not lost in the sauce yet, but I am hearing voices every day if I don’t take a PRN seroquel for it, and my libido is insatiable despite meds commonly known to kill sex drive. In my psychologist appointment with Dr Black this
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I still remember quite clearly my first morning in the hospital. I woke up after restless, fitful sleep, in which I was frequently startled awake by room checks. I just wanted coffee, so I went to the dining room. The kitchen would bring a large carafe of coffee in the mornings and it would be
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 