psychosis
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I had been in the acute care psych unit – a smaller 8 bed unit for acute crisis cases – three days. My 5-day hold was nearly up, and you guessed it – the doctor petitioned up to two weeks. I paced nervously in my room, slowly descending deeper into madness. I conversed with the
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I woke up slowly, wrapped in blankets up to my neck. I blinked and looked around and tried to roll over. This took monumental effort, and I didn’t get very far. I tried looking around. The room was spinning, and I moaned – the room was bare, white, small, and empty save the bed I
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“They’ll never let you go.” My eyes flew open at the voice. No one was in the room. My head was throbbing and I was confused, not remembering where I’d been taken the day before and where I was. “You will be their guinea pig. They’re going to experiment on you,” the ominous voice said
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Friday night dragged on, a nurse or MHT in my room to check me every 5 minutes. Looking into my eyes, saying my name. Writing something on their clipboard. I laid there, staring at the ceiling, waiting for that black hole to swallow me up. I remember lying awake and unable to move for most
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I told my psychiatrist at my Friday appointment about some of the voices I’ve been hearing. Jack tells me to kill myself. Jackie shows me the 10 dimensions and what they mean. She says not everyone travels to dimension 10. There are beings and entities in all dimensions. We exist in the 3rd – height,
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I will just lay here and die. That is the last thing I thought as I was put into my suicide blanket after being forced to put on the suicide smock. I will just lay here and wait to die. “Five minute room checks while awake, 15 minute room checks while asleep, and we sweep
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“How are you feeling, Angel?” “Shitty. I want to die.” “Are you still thinking of suicide?” “All the time.” “Do you feel safe in the hospital?” The morning of my assessment, the next day on a Thursday. The very nurse who took my bedding and shower curtain was conducting it, and it was curiously early.
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I exist in a sort of dreamland as a result, I think, of a heavy med load. I have distressing flashbacks of struggling mightily in restraints just a month ago in the hospital psychiatric ER. Of them trying to calm me but I screamed and cried, begging them to let me go, I don’t belong
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 