mindfulness
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Heavy flashbacks tonight. I go back in time, my heart races, I’m flooded with memories that cause physical pain. It’s hard to concentrate. I’m so consumed sometimes. I want to talk to the doctor about it but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know that anything can really be done about it. I…
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I have not been very present. Trying to combat that with mindfulness. Christmas came and went and as per usual, my brother never came with the wife and kids, but it was my mom who canceled and postponed this time. Now they are slated to come end of the month. I will be at work.…
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I’m trying to use coping skills. The little dumb ones, like listening to music, especially during triggers and stress. Writing. You think this blog is cringe? Should see my paper journal. I use grounding when I dissociate – what can I feel? See? Hear? This involves a bit of mindfulness, and I am not always…
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My feelings wheel is a guide to help me figure out what I’m feeling. Sometimes I just can’t tell. The feelings wheel is not giving me much guidance today. I cannot tell what I feel. Nothing, there is nothing. The mood stabilizer is likely making me flat and blank. I am having flashbacks and stare…
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During IOP process hour yesterday morning, I was more forthcoming about my difficulty with depersonalization and dissociation. I go back in time to painful memories, past traumas, the things that give me PTSD and sometimes keep me up at night. I’ve tried to use the coping skills I’ve learned to get through it – grounding,…
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I called back my new unit manager, Jana. She talked to me about the somewhat long process to get a reasonable accommodation, and that in the meantime, it was quite likely there would be patients in restraints and since they’re short staffed, I might be the only aide on the floor. That is the case…
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From Sunday to Tuesday, I slept two hours. This was shocking to the group in IOP on Monday. Today I finally got some real sleep but only after a couple hours of laying there, my mind going a million miles an hour. I was so tired, sleepy even, working myself to exhaustion and intentionally staying…
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I can’t believe it, but I finished week seven of intensive outpatient DBT therapy today. The focus is mindfulness for the next few weeks, peppered with shorter concepts to bolster the much larger concept of mindfulness. Today that was gratitude and the “wise mind.” Our minds exist on spectrums. On one end is the strictly…
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I had to duck out of IOP early today – my lack of a need for sleep finally seemed to be catching up with me. I worked two extra shifts Friday and Saturday nights, trying to expend the energy in a productive manner, and only slept a few hours Sunday before coming back in for…
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Trying to sum up the last few days is difficult. My mind has been all over the place, my energy high, my libido even higher. We closed out emotion regulation in IOP, the end of week six for me. Riley the therapist wanted to see me after. I’m at roughly the one-month mark and it…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 