mental illness
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The publisher just let me know I’ll receive the whole book, edits and formatting and corrections complete, for my final review. It includes the cover design by my friend Mike, and the acknowledgment and dedication. I’m amazed it’s happening. Makes me motivated to keep writing, I suppose. I’m absolutely flat as a pancake. I have…
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I forced myself to engage in the DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) skill: building positive experiences – and got up early to go to a comedy show with Ceila. I’m hammered with triggers at work. Currently my formerly catatonic patient is back in restraints for violence, and I have a patient almost identical to me in…
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They say you can control your mind, your emotions, your thoughts and how we respond to the things that happen to us. What a crock of shit. I have always felt like a prisoner of my own mind. During a manic phase, I am certain of my superiority and special knowledge known only to me.…
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Jesus Christ the flashbacks…I am lost in my head so often. Stuck in memories, stuck in the past. The juxtaposition of bipolar with PTSD is painful and aggravating and weird. A doctor found that this PTSD profoundly affects my life. Pile on a manic or depressive episode and I’m suddenly dealing with intrusive thoughts and…
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I have been slacking off on the book – the publisher sends me edited and proofread chunks and I’m supposed to go over it, changing names, making corrections, etc. I have simply been really busy at work, and I need my own laptop to do it. I’m determined to do it this weekend though, while…
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I’ve been working on my acknowledgment and dedication for my book. I am dedicating it to Ceila, Shelly, Mike, Dr Black and all the other psych patients of the world. The acknowledgement is for those who made it possible. Also, my closest friends, who stuck around after I fucked up so much and became unbearable.…
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When I got to work tonight and saw my assignment – ED psych (emergency department) – my heart sank. It’s another one of those things that can happen – getting floated around the hospital. Usually, they use float pool staff but if they’re all busy or don’t exist, they tap the next available staff. Still…
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I haven’t been eating or sleeping that much. I feel like I don’t need as much sleep as other people and my energy levels stay high. I take my meds for sleep, but they only work for a few hours. I wake up bleary but unable to get back to sleep. I still have unsettling…
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My book encompasses the first 100 or so posts of this blog, give or take. I’ve compiled it, formatted it, proofread it, and now it is with the publisher. They do their own editing and formatting to make it look good in book form. I have to pick the typeset I want. Soon I also…
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I don’t even know what to say. My meds keep me going, that is about it. I’m trying to focus on what I can control, like IOP taught me. I like exerting control over my environment, and I’ve been preparing my house for eventual move-in. I got my room painted, two different shades of blue.…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 