mental illness
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Opposite of emotion – when feeling distressing emotions, practice a behavior that is opposite to that emotion or feeling. When depressed, force yourself to distract, go for a walk, listen to music, talk to someone (damn near impossible for me but I’m working on it). That was today’s IOP DBT skill. I felt overwhelmed in…
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IOP was so hard. I am overwhelmed. I question my ability to do this. I question any of it will work. I became slightly overwhelmed with emotion and couldn’t quite articulate how I was feeling. I was starting to open up a little bit more (it’s extremely difficult for me to be vulnerable with a…
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Hypomania continues unabated. I have to work hard to avoid rash decisions or avoid decisions altogether. I have to try and remember to have safe sex. I have to avoid spending money. I don’t really trust myself. With heavy medication, I managed 5 hours of sleep today. That’s pretty good for me. IOP tomorrow and…
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My god, the flashbacks. I’m having so much PTSD right now. Have been for hours. I just go right back there, back in restraints, back in the manic panic, back in the fear and anger. I can feel the heavy, sick grogginess of chemical restraint. I wish I could move past this but sometimes I…
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As I cling desperately to sanity and basic functioning, I remind myself daily of the coping skills I’m trying to incorporate into my life, something with which I’ve always struggled. It’s like the moment I need them, they fly right out of my head and I don’t know what to do. This is what I…
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Emotion regulation continued – in DBT therapy, attending to relationships fosters improved emotion regulation. This relates to last week’s emotion regulation core concept – building positive experiences. The therapist talked about the two extremes – the dialectical opposites – in DBT. There’s being too open, no boundaries, and then the other end, rigid boundaries, isolationist…
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I am in recovery. That is what the doctors say, the IOP therapist. They say it can take time to recover from a mental health crisis. I should know this, I’ve had severe crises in the past and barely survived some of them. But sometimes I’m not sure what recovery even means. Does it mean…
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During my second week in the hospital, I finally called my mother. What a disaster. I had been stabilizing pretty well on medication changes and Dr Floura’s careful dialing in of the right doses and times. I had learned a lot about myself and that this depression was largely existential in nature, exacerbated by my…
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Week four of IOP and probably one of the more important modules, at least for me, is about to close tomorrow – Emotion Regulation. I have really struggled with some of the concepts and incorporating them into daily life. One exercise involved drawing concentric circles and in the inner, writing the emotions we do not…
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“How are you doing?” “I’m good, I’m good. I called my brother; I need his help. I can’t do it alone anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my living situation. I want to move out. I think I’ll move out.” “How about the meds, any side effects?” “Just from that artane…
