mental illness
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This weekend marks the close of the Winter I quarter. Monday begins Winter II, and an official halfway point towards this master’s degree. There is Spring 1 after that, and the last time I will have two classes at a time. I will have only one per quarter starting Spring II. I will be finished…
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“What do you think Dr. P? Did you imagine me capable of this?” “How about you, Shirley? – you were the one who told me to take classes again.” I think about them sometimes. The staff and other patients in the hospital with me. Shirley was a nurse who dealt with my sleepwalking, gave me…
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I have daymares. No nightmares in awhile. I take prazosin, for nightmares. I was always kind of skeptical of that – how can a pill get rid of dreams, specifically, the nightmare variety? It probably can’t – the placebo does most of the work when it comes to a lot of meds. We believe it…
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“I’ll never speak on this again. Looks like I’m attention seeking, I know that’s what you’re all thinking.” “No, we’re not. We think you’re in great danger of hurting yourself,” Dr. P said. I sat in the turtle suit that seemed to swallow me whole. It was far too big. They took my clothes, everything…
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Heavy flashbacks tonight. I go back in time, my heart races, I’m flooded with memories that cause physical pain. It’s hard to concentrate. I’m so consumed sometimes. I want to talk to the doctor about it but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know that anything can really be done about it. I…
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I stood my ground, I said no, and left the room. A patient had a PEG tube and couldn’t stop fiddling and playing with it. I cleaned him up and got him back in the bed, but he still would not stop going for it. I tried to talk him out of it; I tried…
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I have not been very present. Trying to combat that with mindfulness. Christmas came and went and as per usual, my brother never came with the wife and kids, but it was my mom who canceled and postponed this time. Now they are slated to come end of the month. I will be at work.…
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Maybe something is changing. Even if just a little. I have so much pent-up energy and my bones are sizzling. I used ativan, melatonin, vistaril, and gabapentin to force myself to sleep before work. On my way to work, I drove by the mental hospital as I always do and this time, not the panic…
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A man knows not where he is. Drifting through a conscious unawareness, confused at why these people are in his house. Calling out to his long dead wife. Do we live too long? Have all our medical advances only prolonged the life of our bodies at the cost of our minds? I don’t know. We…
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I ordered the bunk bed with shelving and the two twin mattresses. I am totally fixated. I want this done and the room restored. It’s a storage area too, and I’ve told my mother to put in there whatever she wants. I bought a nice two layer clothing rack and hung up all her stuff.…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 