mental hospital

  • In the Weeds

    In the Weeds

    I am really in the weeds now. So is my friend Shelly, currently in school and about to enter the RN program. You might recall she was there when I was detained and sent to the mental hospital, and she took care of my cat while I was there. I’m halfway through my program and…

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  • This Far

    The last week of the winter I quarter. Final papers, projects, all due by the end of the week. There is literally no turn around time – winter II starts Monday. Sunday night, really. That’s when the classes appear in canvas and I get right to work. It is all accelerated and I like it…

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  • Conversations with Doctors

    Conversations with Doctors

    “I’ll never speak on this again. Looks like I’m attention seeking, I know that’s what you’re all thinking.” “No, we’re not. We think you’re in great danger of hurting yourself,” Dr. P said. I sat in the turtle suit that seemed to swallow me whole. It was far too big. They took my clothes, everything…

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  • Untitled post 2585

    I have not been very present. Trying to combat that with mindfulness. Christmas came and went and as per usual, my brother never came with the wife and kids, but it was my mom who canceled and postponed this time. Now they are slated to come end of the month. I will be at work.…

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  • Intrusive thoughts and memories

    I feel like a fool sometimes. Taking on grad school, taking on this other job, moving back into my house. Everything compounds. Everything is a lot. And I have so many intrusive thoughts and feelings. This job. I don’t really need it, but I want it. A sick part of me insists on the exposure…

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  • Hypomania Winding Down

    Hypomania Winding Down

    I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. I woke up late and had to rush to work late. I barely got a cup of coffee in me! Haven’t slept much, or eaten much, in several days. I think I will sleep okay today. With meds. There is one nurse that falls…

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  • Trigger Exhaustion

    Trigger Exhaustion

    As I sit with a schizophrenic patient in the same locking restraints in which I found myself not that long ago, I feel a tiredness I haven’t felt in a long time. To be sure, I didn’t think I could do this, I really didn’t. I’m still not sure how I am, other than white…

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  • People started coming in to my tiny psych holding cell. First someone who said they were a social worker. Asked me about family, mental health history, substance use history. Asked if I wanted to kill myself. I did not really engage with her. She informed me I was detained while awaiting a designated crisis responder,…

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