mania
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I’m trying so hard to psych myself up. To get excited at the prospect of using my brain. Of not letting it go to rot. Of doing something that isn’t being a glorified chambermaid. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I did a lot of therapy and so much thinking over the job I…
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I forced myself to engage in the DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) skill: building positive experiences – and got up early to go to a comedy show with Ceila. I’m hammered with triggers at work. Currently my formerly catatonic patient is back in restraints for violence, and I have a patient almost identical to me in…
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I missed work last night, and I am upset with myself. I had one goal, one measly goal, and I got sick and missed work. I get migraines sometimes. They come on like normal headaches, but they make me feel sick to my stomach. I immediately tried to fight it off – I took ibuprofen,…
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A polar vortex is moving through Washington, specifically, Eastern Washington and Idaho. It has been so bitterly cold, down to 1 or 2 degrees Fahrenheit. I constantly worry about the pipes freezing at either of my two properties when the weather gets this absurdly cold. I sound like a broken record reminding my tenants to…
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I did a thing. A rather major thing. I’ve alluded to it in previous posts, but did not want to say anything here or to anyone for fear of jinxing myself. I am not a superstitious man but I’ve done something I never imagined I’d be able to do again and I didn’t want to…
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Dialectical behavior therapy – two things can be true at once. I am dreading moving back home because my mother is very hard to live with, yet I also somehow am excited to get back and take control. I often have conflicting thoughts, confusion about who I am. This is a borderline trait. I am…
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I can hardly believe it, but I am nearly half completed with IOP. That comes with a lot of feelings – I’m worried I have not learned and properly incorporated the material enough or as well as the others, and I’m scared at the thought of being cut loose. I have to do this, I…
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I am in recovery. That is what the doctors say, the IOP therapist. They say it can take time to recover from a mental health crisis. I should know this, I’ve had severe crises in the past and barely survived some of them. But sometimes I’m not sure what recovery even means. Does it mean…
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My fourth, maybe fifth, day in the hospital came. The meds had slowed me down significantly. I was pacing less, groggy and sedated. I suppose that was the goal, get me to slow down a little. I was hearing the voice less but he did still pop into my head to remind me I was…
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I woke up slowly, wrapped in blankets up to my neck. I blinked and looked around and tried to roll over. This took monumental effort, and I didn’t get very far. I tried looking around. The room was spinning, and I moaned – the room was bare, white, small, and empty save the bed I…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 