life
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I’m leaving early tonight and hanging out with Ceila as we do at this time of night – 3 in the morning – every two weeks. We used to work together on nights and now this is like our homage to that. Usually we go to Dennys but tonight it’s drinks at her house and…
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I missed work last night, and I am upset with myself. I had one goal, one measly goal, and I got sick and missed work. I get migraines sometimes. They come on like normal headaches, but they make me feel sick to my stomach. I immediately tried to fight it off – I took ibuprofen,…
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A little glimpse of dysfunction into my family – we still have not got together for Christmas/New Years. The several attempts led to postponements over illness in my brother Sam’s family, with his wife and my diabetic nephew getting sick. My youngest brother George breaking his foot and being really drunk. I have no idea…
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The core of it, the core of so much suffering, aggravation, anxiety, and despair, is the inner critic – that voice inside that tells you how stupid and ugly and unlikable you are, how you never get anything right, how you’ll always be a failure. It’s a shadow that follows you around, no one can…
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I am so upset and frustrated with myself. I finally got some sleep…and slept right on through IOP Thursday morning. I was just going to take a nap… It was an important day too. The final wrap up for distress tolerance and and all the skills therein. The most important module and day of IOP,…
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I went to IOP yesterday and we talked about Radical Acceptance – the concept that you can take back your mental and emotional health by accepting the pain and accepting the things you can’t control. This frees one from the distress of resistance and fighting. It does not mean giving up, giving in, or tolerating…
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My weekend was rough. I did not sleep much before work Saturday but I made it to work. It is very surreal, this new job. I’ll get into that in a bit. My mother came back Sunday morning and I picked her up from the airport. I had been at my house, giving it a…
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Sometimes I get so discouraged. In IOP, in work, in life, in everything. Today I felt discouraged in IOP. I have before, worried it was too much to take in at once, that I would not be able to get better at the different coping skills, that others would get better while I stagnated. I…
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The true horror of existence is not the fear of death, but the fear of life. It is the fear of waking up each day to face the same struggles, the same disappointments, the same pain. It is the fear that nothing will ever change, that you are trapped in a cycle of suffering that…
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The meaning of life is to keep doing that which prevents you from killing yourself. – Albert Camus
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 