IOP
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I can hardly believe it, but I am nearly half completed with IOP. That comes with a lot of feelings – I’m worried I have not learned and properly incorporated the material enough or as well as the others, and I’m scared at the thought of being cut loose. I have to do this, I
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Opposite of emotion – when feeling distressing emotions, practice a behavior that is opposite to that emotion or feeling. When depressed, force yourself to distract, go for a walk, listen to music, talk to someone (damn near impossible for me but I’m working on it). That was today’s IOP DBT skill. I felt overwhelmed in
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IOP was so hard. I am overwhelmed. I question my ability to do this. I question any of it will work. I became slightly overwhelmed with emotion and couldn’t quite articulate how I was feeling. I was starting to open up a little bit more (it’s extremely difficult for me to be vulnerable with a
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Hypomania continues unabated. I have to work hard to avoid rash decisions or avoid decisions altogether. I have to try and remember to have safe sex. I have to avoid spending money. I don’t really trust myself. With heavy medication, I managed 5 hours of sleep today. That’s pretty good for me. IOP tomorrow and
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I could not sleep today. I take the meds, I make a bedtime ritual, I try hot showers and meditation and even masturbation but today I could not sleep. When I finally did, I had terrible dreams. I take a medication, prazosin, for bad dreams but it can only do so much. Pills only pack
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I see my psychologist weekly, and had my appointment with her this morning after my shift. I’ve been back at work three weeks now. I told her how I’ve been doing, how hard I’ve tried to be normal – “You’re not normal. This is the acceptance part of who you are. You’re different, and you’ll
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 