hospital
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Last night and today was a long day. I took ALL my sleep meds plus Seroquel to try to quiet the voices and calm my anxiety. When I was in the mental hospital, Seroquel quieted my overactive mind. Tonight, I am particularly tired and worn down. I still did not sleep that great and woke…
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My new job wants to promote me. I’m not sure if I’ve already mentioned this, but there is a senior CNA position opening up and they put me in the class required for the promotion. I will have an expanded scope of practice which isn’t saying much because our scope is always limited. But I…
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I forced myself to engage in the DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) skill: building positive experiences – and got up early to go to a comedy show with Ceila. I’m hammered with triggers at work. Currently my formerly catatonic patient is back in restraints for violence, and I have a patient almost identical to me in…
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I spent 150 dollars on temu. I got 6 free items, I have to claim them one a day, one at a time. I fuckin love Temu. I am blank and feel weird and floaty. I’m trying to stay grounded by focusing on my house, so a lot of what I got on temu was…
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I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. I woke up late and had to rush to work late. I barely got a cup of coffee in me! Haven’t slept much, or eaten much, in several days. I think I will sleep okay today. With meds. There is one nurse that falls…
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I’ve been working on my acknowledgment and dedication for my book. I am dedicating it to Ceila, Shelly, Mike, Dr Black and all the other psych patients of the world. The acknowledgement is for those who made it possible. Also, my closest friends, who stuck around after I fucked up so much and became unbearable.…
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When I got to work tonight and saw my assignment – ED psych (emergency department) – my heart sank. It’s another one of those things that can happen – getting floated around the hospital. Usually, they use float pool staff but if they’re all busy or don’t exist, they tap the next available staff. Still…
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I have felt absolutely sick to my stomach. I can’t eat, could hardly sleep. I can’t get my mind off the VA and my job and my healthcare and the fact a far right, obsessively anti-LGBT oligarchy is taking over. I haven’t heard back from my provider yet, so I’m calling back today after work.…
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I always knew this day would come, and it didn’t take long at all. Got another shitty work email this week. This time, a memo rescinding the VHA directive to provide gender-affirming care to trans vets. Effective immediately, the VA no longer provides gender-affirming care. “Unless such veterans are already receiving care from VA” –…
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I got the first 60 pages back of my book, proofread and edited. There are new pages, still blank, for a dedication and acknowledgment. I haven’t thought about the dedication or acknowledgment yet, but it will most likely be dedicated to Ceila and Shelly, who were there for me the whole time I was going…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 