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I have kept crazy busy to avoid the anxiety, but the stress of a lot to do with the mental preparation of living with my mother again has my heart beating fast sometimes. I got a carload over there. Started taking stuff over, whatever can fit in my car. Going through the last of my…
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I’ve been visiting my mother at my house daily after work. Subtly stressing how time is rushing by and my move in is fast approaching. We drink a few mimosas. Sometimes I order some breakfast. She looks like hell. So much smoking and drinking. She doesn’t attend to hygiene well, making excuses about being forced…
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I had two appointments Friday. I work so much so I often set appointments all in one day. Friday it was seeing my supported employment case manager and seeing my meds prescriber. I saw my prescriber first. He asked about how I’m tolerating them and was I having any side effects or other issues. He…
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The AC is down at work. Everyone is sweltering. Except for a few cold vets who still ask for warm blankets at night. I don’t mind the heat. It feels nice to me. I have negative associations with the cold, and it reminds me of sterile hospital environments, the psych ward AC chill, and growing…
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I can’t slow down my mind. The anxiety is absolutely palpable. The light fixture is installed and my desk moved into place. My mother bitched about the flooring restoration and all kinds of other things while I was there the last few days. I try to let it roll off me but the truth is,…
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I’m drowning in things to do. As soon as I cross one thing off the list, I add another. My new light fixture is finally being installed tomorrow. I’m moving my desk into the room. Then it’s all ready for me to start moving what I’m keeping back into the house. I’ve sold some furniture…
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I am at a loss on what to say. I’ve felt a powerful sense of blankness and loss of feeling. I’m like a mannequin, or robot. Didn’t make it to work last night. Too much going on, house stuff, work, family stress… I spent most of the day at the house supervising a housecleaner who…
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Everything is moving so fast. I’ve got wall washers coming because of all the dust from the hardwood restoration. That’s gonna go over real well with my mom, haha…and what does she care? She hates my house. I’ve got Lowes on the way to pick up my unused and unwanted laminate. I did use some…
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My house is really coming together. The restored hardwood looks amazing. It even smells good. He still has to add transitions – built in wood “lips” at the transitions from the hall to the bathroom and the hall to the kitchen. Then I’ll be adding the trim – that I already have because I bought…
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When my floor installer ripped out the carpet, beautiful 50 year old hardwood was revealed. Fucking boomers. It’s in excellent condition, just needs cleaned up, sanded, and sealed. Something I can easily hire out. Even if I wanted my new flooring, they can’t continue with the project because the hallway portion had some kind of…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 