dreams
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Today is my birthday. I’m 40 years old. I am amazed I’ve made it this far. I never would have imagined I’d make it to 40. But here I am, scarred but alive. My mother made me a special dinner to take to work. We are trying to get along. I’m soaking up this break
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My new job wants to promote me. I’m not sure if I’ve already mentioned this, but there is a senior CNA position opening up and they put me in the class required for the promotion. I will have an expanded scope of practice which isn’t saying much because our scope is always limited. But I
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I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I hate him. I hate him and I wish he would just fucking DIE. I don’t even want to say what the dream was for fear they will see it and get ideas. Already, they have these plans as part of Project 2025. I dreamt we got yet another
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I could not sleep today. I took my meds but tossed and turned, images and memories burned into my brain, playing like a bad movie. I had a half dream/half memory of several people wrestling me into a bed and strapping me in. I could feel their needles as they shot me with drugs to
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My weekend was rough. I did not sleep much before work Saturday but I made it to work. It is very surreal, this new job. I’ll get into that in a bit. My mother came back Sunday morning and I picked her up from the airport. I had been at my house, giving it a
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I could not sleep today. I take the meds, I make a bedtime ritual, I try hot showers and meditation and even masturbation but today I could not sleep. When I finally did, I had terrible dreams. I take a medication, prazosin, for bad dreams but it can only do so much. Pills only pack
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 