bipolar
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Last week, my formerly catatonic patient was barely able to stay in bed through the night. This week, I was dismayed to see he was put in soft restraints to keep him in bed. A person in restraints is a lot of care. I remember this from when I was put in hard restraints in…
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Well, it’s done. I got the sex change form notarized, filled out the mail order form, made a money order for 25 bucks, made a copy of my name change document from 2008, and mailed it all to the department of health statistics. I should be grateful I’m even able to do this under current…
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I have agonized over this post, and how to write it, since I started the blog back in August (2024). It never seemed relevant. I hoped it wouldn’t be relevant. But if I can’t discuss it here, I might as well stop writing. I’m a trans man. I was born female. I served in the…
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My catatonic patient is moving and responding to questions, albeit slowly. Tonight, I could barely keep him in the bed, he was jumping around so much. Everyone is talking about the email with included resignation letter from the nutcase-in-chief titled “Fork in the Road.” It’s really quite comical. He doesn’t have the power to unilaterally…
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I have had to sit with a lot of discomfort for the last few days. It’s forced me to think a lot about the DBT skills I’m supposed to use in response to these painful feelings – distraction, HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) build mastery, and just plain sitting with the shitty feelings. I also…
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Sometimes the only things to hold onto are physically within our grasp – my peppermint vodka cocktail, the cat next to me, my new gravity blanket. I am indulging in the DBT skill that is appreciating the small things – glimmers – or opposites of triggers. I have so many, many triggers. For once I…
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Something is happening but I dare not say what, for fear of ruining it. The DIY detox seems to have gone well. As far as I can tell, my brother hasn’t had a drink since last Thursday. I metered out to him four ativan on day one, three on day two, three on day three…
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This is so fucked up. It is happening all over again. I’m trying to face and accept the fact it’s going to keep happening. I have another patient in restraints and this time I had to help restrain him. I did everything I could to avoid it. For five hours I tried redirection, distraction, calming…
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It’s Monday and feels so strange because it’s the first Monday in three months I don’t have IOP or an appointment with Dr Black. I’ve been working on – at least in my mind – my house. In my mind I plan all kinds of plans and on my phone I do all kinds of…
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For now, my “journey” through both civilian and veteran mental health systems is at the maintenance phase. I have graduated IOP as of the end of the year. I could have done more time and the VA likely would have paid for it, but I felt ready, and I also liked how it closed out…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 