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I am compelled to take on a sort of leadership role within my class groups. Last week fumbled out as a mess and we were late turning in our assignments. The first parts to a grander design. I also have a head start. I go to work at 6pm every Sunday night at the VA.…
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Saw my doctor yesterday morning. She’s new to me, I’ve only met her once before. She’s my primary care provider, not a psychiatrist. I’m a wimp for blood draws. But I had to go to the lab for it. One time I fainted, feeling terribly woozy and lightheaded right beforehand. It doesn’t hurt that bad…
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A man begged me for death. I’ve been there. I begged for death when they strapped me to a bed in the ER, I begged for death when I got locked in the mental hospital for the 5th time. He is covered in sores, 85 years old, and miserable. “I need to talk to you!”…
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I am really in the weeds now. So is my friend Shelly, currently in school and about to enter the RN program. You might recall she was there when I was detained and sent to the mental hospital, and she took care of my cat while I was there. I’m halfway through my program and…
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This weekend marks the close of the Winter I quarter. Monday begins Winter II, and an official halfway point towards this master’s degree. There is Spring 1 after that, and the last time I will have two classes at a time. I will have only one per quarter starting Spring II. I will be finished…
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Folding towels. That’s all he does. Some things are worse than death. L:ike growing old. Or dementia. I’ve worked with a lot of old people in my time as a CNA. Thousands, by now. And even without dementia, growing old is no picnic. It is pain, slowness, weakness, and all kinds of medical issues. But…
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Another one bites the dust. Two deaths in a week at the VA, and one of them was a full code. They still lost him. My humor is dark. Night shift humor is dark. This is true across medical, fire, police, and certain other professions that deal with people at their worst or at least,…
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The last week of the winter I quarter. Final papers, projects, all due by the end of the week. There is literally no turn around time – winter II starts Monday. Sunday night, really. That’s when the classes appear in canvas and I get right to work. It is all accelerated and I like it…
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“What do you think Dr. P? Did you imagine me capable of this?” “How about you, Shirley? – you were the one who told me to take classes again.” I think about them sometimes. The staff and other patients in the hospital with me. Shirley was a nurse who dealt with my sleepwalking, gave me…
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I have daymares. No nightmares in awhile. I take prazosin, for nightmares. I was always kind of skeptical of that – how can a pill get rid of dreams, specifically, the nightmare variety? It probably can’t – the placebo does most of the work when it comes to a lot of meds. We believe it…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 